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125 ) - Alone

When I first ran away from home, at 10 - I was angry and thought my mom didn't love me. In my junior year of high school - I questioned her love and asked about the father I've never seen before. Even when the heat of our arguements resulted in insults of "you're just like you're father, I never gave up hope of finding him. It has been 30 years since then and I've never gotten a straight answer from her. This has left a deep and unrepairable hole in my soul and it gets bigger each year, turning me away from any normal human love whatsoever. I don't want to die alone without that knowledge of who he was but fate has dealt me a blank hand in which, I can only play to the last card. But I'm resilient and believe in the better good. My goal is to undertake a journey into finding not only him but also to point out what psychological disadvantages a child may have when they are raised into a single parented home. From a males prespective being raised by a woman. My research will be extensive and making this into a documentary will shed light, truth and above all a reunion to be a whole person. I wish only for the support of this project to go forward by June of 2005 and with the help of many like myself, I'll need to raise money. If anyone finds that they can support my efforts - please send your donations to the address below as I am trying to reach a goal of $20,000.00. This will pay for the production (both pre-and post), film stock, camera and travel, back to New York. It's because of this support, I'll be able to show how to mend the fence, many of us secretly hide from others. Thank you for what you can do, to help me see a man, I've never seen before.


Send $5.00 donations to:
Omega 7 Rexordz
c/o Jeff Jaggers
831 S. Westlake Ave #1
Los Angeles, CA. 90057


Thursday, December 30, 2004 at 14:13

124 ) - Clip and Fly

I was a model while studying full time in the university. I worked washing dishes; at Albertsons, and then moved to Florida.

I had four Caucasian roommates and one Latino- who I remain in touch with. I was the one who would never marry...I was focused and determined to reach my dreams.

I returned to Louisiana to check on my younger brother. I ended un staying so that he could move away from our small town. I gave myself a week to find a job; I did.

I worked in a hospital in my field. Later, I worked in an elementary school, the mayor's office and at the local university.

I met a man..in church. I was a fool. I trusted who he appeared to be.... a dreamer with ambition to succeed. I worked with him creatively and developed projects that were wonderful.

We married and moved on his family's property. He changed. I became the culprit for not allowing his family to control my thoughts, finances, car, body, hair, clothing, life.

It ended in violence. He stood there and watched his sisters "beat me into submission."

I lost my vision on one side and have a head injury. Our minor child was in my arms at the time of the initial hit by one of his sisters. Our child was 8 days from being four months old; he will be four years old in January, 2005.

Now, I have gone from Ms. Ambition to housing programs, assistances, vision loss, mobility constraints...but each day I strive to look the part of success and togetherness for my innocent child.

Louisiana law is quite different. I still can not purchase anything on my credit- because my credit is still furnishing the marital home...on his family's property.

2001 was the last time that I was there; we have been in court since. He has not paid bills for furniture in my name, refused to return it, and is behind on child support.

The sisters were charged with a felony; however, they are a well known family. The charges were amended to simple battery. The entire ordeal was handled unprofessionally. They were sentenced, however, and I was pleased with the fact that they were held accountable for the criminal act. They were also NOT granted an 894.

I am awaiting a civil trial. I pray for justice. I have lost my life and my child has lost a healthy mother because...I trusted a man who clipped my wings.

Still, I have faith.

My prayer is for a home for my son and I. I am not after anything fancy...just a roof of our own. I enjoy our apartment (a six-plex) and I love my neighbors. I am big on budgeting and I don't see progress as I give money away...while waiting for a court order to try to get money back.

I pray to be debt free, and to get the $8,000.00 of marital debts left on my back...OFF my back. I pray that the skills that I have can be utilized in some way.

Once, I worked so much that I accrued more comp time than anyone. Now, I can't work very long secondary to injuries, however, I have increased skills. I am an excellent speaker, technology expert, and education writer.

We were violated but we are alive. I pray for a new beginning.

Clipped wings; still we fly.

Marie


Tuesday, December 28, 2004 at 02:58

123 ) - Can you always get what you want?!

Did you ever want something in life that you never got?!?!?Well, why didnt you get it, because your parents said,"NO!" or because you couldnt afford it?Thats how i felt LOTS of times, im not just saying it because i want to get everything i want,but 4 words LIFE IS NEVER FAIR.Im just 9 (turning 10 on Feb 9) and i understand life.

By:Nadia Mehdi


Thursday, December 23, 2004 at 03:07

122 ) - Labor Not in Vain

Kerrie's nine-months pregnant belly preceded her into the Lakeview Women's Clinic. She paused steps from the sign-in desk as another contraction rippled through her pelvis. The pains were coming faster and stronger. Surely, this time, it wasn't false labor.

Nurse Hawkings looked up to see her least favorite patient approaching. Kerrie Jamison was a 19 year old unwed mother-to-be. As far as Hawkings was concerned Kerrie and all the other little sluts like her should do a favor and get themselves sterilized when they felt the first itch between their legs. She hated that Kerrie was getting free medical care because she only made minimum wage at the local Quik-E-Mart. So, she mad an effort to make the pregnant teen's life miserable whenever she came for an appointment.

Kerrie sensed that the nurse hated her for some reason. The woman's coldness gave her one more reason to long for the baby to be born. This was Kerrie's third encounter with Hawkings this week. She was a week and a half past her due date and was having daily contractions, but they never developmed into full labor.

The nurse sneered as she asked Kerrie how long her contractions had last. "Two hours this time," Kerrie said softly. Hawkings raised an eyebrow. "I told you not to come back until you were at four hours, Kerrie Go home and stop wasting my time."

Fat tears squeezed out of Kerrie's eyes as she turned to go. On her way at the door, a hand gripped her arm. Through her tears, she saw that an old woman stood next to her.

"Past your time, dearie." The crone asked kindly.

"Yes, almost two weeks." Kerrie replied.

The old woman's eyes twinkled. "Eager to drop your load?"

Kerrie had never heard it put so crudely, but she nodded.

The crone leaned in and whispered into Kerrie's ear. "Come home with me and we'll get you started."

"Huh?"

The old woman laughed. "I've had twelve children, honey. Trust me."

Kerrie followed the old woman out into the wintry afternoon. They walked six blooks before another contraction hit. "Ohhh! Maybe I should go back to the clinic."

"Nonsense." The crone snapped. "Hawkings'll just send you back. You'll still be waiting for your babe next week if she had any choice."

Kerrie gave in. They walked a few more blocks, stopping a few times as Kerrie's pains returned.

They finally arrived at a little house at the end of an abandoned looking block. The other houses were in horrible shape, but this one was neat and attractive. The old woman let them in and showed her guest to a side room where she handed Kerrie a white nightgown to change into.

Kerrie shivered as she donned the thin cotton. It made her nipples stand out from her pregnancy-swollen breasts. She crossed her arms in front of them unaware that her dark pubis was visible through the cloth.

When she walked back into the living room, she saw the old woman talking to an elderly man. When they turned at her approach, Kerrie saw that the man had his hand stuck in his fly. He was caressing a twig like penis.

Kerrie blushed and stumbled backwards. The old woman made a comforting sound. "It's okay, sweetie. Just my Harry getting ready for us."

"What do you mean, us?"

The old woman's eyes twinkled. "Sometimes to get babies out, you have to do what got them in in the first place."

Kerrie's eyes widened in horror. She turned to flee, but a contraction stopped her and she sank to the floor.

The old man and old woman rushed to her side. They pulled her nightgown above her waist and watched eagerly as her belly pulsed with the contraction. They quickly stripped naked.

In the throes of pain, Kerrie could only watch helplessly as the old woman fondled Harry to full erection. He slid between Kerrie's thighs and began to pump. Slowly at first, then faster and harder. Soon Kerrie was aware that a new sensation gripped her womb. She floated above the pain on a wave of pleasure. And when it crashed, her water broke.

The old man pulled out and the elderly couple rolled in Kerrie's womb fluid. She watched in amazement as their skin grew smoother and their bodies firmed up. Within seconds, they stood before her looking 60 years younger.

"Thank you." said the man.

"Now your baby will come." The woman assured her.

Kerrie allowed the couple to dress her. She walked back to the clinic in a daze.

As for Nurse Hawkings, her suspicions about Kerrie were confirmed when the young woman squirted out a massive amount a semen with each contraction.


Sunday, December 19, 2004 at 14:25

121 ) - Dreams Change

I always had a dream of making a familey busines. In 1997 my oldest son
finished his schooling. He and I started a home repair. We started slow
and done okay. Together side by side, every day. We became very good
friends.It was a lot more than father and son. Then March 31 2004 I got
a call from my 19 year old son TYLER, that J.R. was being taken to the
hospitel.He was not breathing His heart was not beating. I rushed over
only to hear it was to late.Since that day it seems all my dreams have
changed.Many days I don,t know what to do.I am now 8 months later needing to go back to my 1st dream because I have 2 more sons with me
also wanting to carry on. I need many PRAYERS to pick up where I left
off.Please PRAY for me. Also hoping not to sound selfish. We find our
funds depleted after a bad year please PRAY for my familey at the holiday season with not much coming in. THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR
YOUR PRAYERS Jeff Barnette


Tuesday, December 14, 2004 at 23:53
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